I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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