nut hugger
My hand turned me down
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
