Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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