What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
