Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
