I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
she told me i tasted like america
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
