I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
