I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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