Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
