I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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