I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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