nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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