i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
