Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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