I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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