I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize