hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
