I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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