If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
