I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
4 words: hood of his car
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
