Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
