its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
