I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
