It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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