my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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