I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
