After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
