Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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