he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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