Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Sext me about skeletons
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
