every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
