he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
