Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
