You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
