Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
