i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
