peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
