He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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