Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize