Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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