She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize