He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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