She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize