Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
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