Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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