morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
