He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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