At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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