You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Randomize
