I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize