u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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