I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
