Ambien. No doubt about it.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
