next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
