Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
