I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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