she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
