my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
