The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
