I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
