One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
