Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
