my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
