If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
