Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
